Yes, to everything you've said above. I'm not sure how best to put it, but I don't think that exploring unhealthy things--or even having them push any (let alone all)--of your buttons, is in itself unhealthy. If anything, in my own personal experience (which I am not generalizing to fandom here) it's been the people who refuse to think about these things--even in fiction--who are more likelier to act aspects of them out in their real world lives.

So it doesn't particularly worry me when I encounter something I think is unpleasant, or unhealthy, or that I don't like in fandom so long as there's no indication the author embodies it in real life too; I just backbrowser out and moving on when that happens.